How will I survive without my best friend?
by JaneyGWF
Summary: Set during 4:13 'Tears of a clown' where Casey has proposed to Jane and just after Maura has seen Jane's ring in the morgue. It follows Maura's reaction to the news. This is my first R&I fanfic (I have written a Good Wife oneshot Kalinda/Alicia but that's it). Tell me what you think!
1. Chapter 1

**How will I survive without my best friend?**

**A/N. This my first Rizzoli and Isles fanfic attempt so please be kind. I have just written one other story (A Good Wife One Shot between Kalinda and Alicia if anyone wants to check that out). **

**Set during 4:13 Tears of a Clown. This takes place after Casey proposes to Jane and just after Maura notices the ring on Jane's finger in the morgue. I have no idea how many folks have used this as a starting point for a Fanfic story and so I hope it isn't similar to anyone else's work. If it is then it is purely coincidental. It was just going round in my head. **

**It is just an opener...A taster if you will...If folks like it and want me to keep going then I will continue it. Constructive comments appreciated.**

**I don't own the rights to Rizzoli and Isles and don't make any money from it. Just messing with them.**

...

'How will I survive without my best friend.' The startling honesty of Maura's declaration resounded in her head as if she were recognising the truth of it for the first time.

'Maura?'...

Maura barely registered Jane's voice as she fled the morgue, pushing her way through the double doors that led out into the underground car park. She reached out to steady herself against the wall as her legs became unsteady. Her other hand flew to her mouth, anticipating the riot of emotions that were threatening to burst forth. Tears burned her eyes and threatened to spill and her vision blurred before the salty drops slipped down her cheeks.

It was the physical pain that shocked her the most, overwhelming her with it's intensity. Her stomach clenched and her throat constricted, making it even more uncomfortable to swallow down the rising nausea she felt. Her heart thudded against her chest and she felt her blood rushing in her ears. Her composure crumbled to dust as the truth of the situation finally began to hit her...She was losing Jane...

_I can't lose her._

She shook her head, as if trying to dislodge all of the desperate thoughts that were flooding her mind. The thoughts that, over the past few months, had been been safely confined to her nightmares as Jane had spent more and more time with Casey.

Now the nightmares were to become her reality.

Maura's emotions were out of control, and this only served to intensify her feeling of panic. The usually composed Chief Medical Examiner for the State of Massachusetts felt herself losing her grip as the months and months of locked-down, buried deep, emotions finally fought their way to the surface.

_I can't lose her. I'm not strong enough._

Home. She needed to get home. She needed to get away from here. Get away from Jane. She sucked in some much needed air and straightened up. She swallowed thickly and ran her hands down the front of her skirt, ironing out imaginary creases. She set her jaw and wiped impatiently at her glistening eyes with the back of her hand - clearing her vision. She walked stiffly and mechanically to her car and fumbled with the keys before sliding into her seat.

She sat for a moment with the engine running. Staring ahead with her fingers gripping the steering wheel with such force that her knuckles turned white. She dropped her forehead to the wheel and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get control of her breathing and to calm her pounding heart.

_I can't lose her. I'm not strong enough. I will lose myself._

Maura pulled into her driveway as the sun began to set. She didn't remember the drive home. Neither did she register the repeated ringing of her cell phone or the pinging of text messages. If she had committed half a dozen traffic violations on the way to her house she wouldn't have been aware of them. All she could think of was getting inside her home and locking the door. As if that would somehow keep the inevitability of Jane's departure at bay.

_She is everything._

_I can't lose her._

There was a sense of urgency now. Maura couldn't get into the house quickly enough. It was her sanctuary...Her constant. She locked the door and dropped the keys onto the console table before uncharacteristically kicking off her shoes and leaving them where they fell. She drifted past the kitchen in a daze, not noticing Bass as he rounded the corner of the kitchen island, before she climbed the stairs with frustratingly unreliable limbs.

Once inside her darkened bedroom, she made her way to the bed. Dropping her Gucci purse unceremoniously onto the rug before crawling up her bed and pulling the duvet over herself like a protective cloak. The jaw she hadn't realised she had been clenching finally relaxed a little. Her ragged breathing finally slowed and her hammering heart calmed a little. Her mind stilled for a moment. The only sound was that of her own breath puffing against the canopy of the duvet as it warmed her face.

Before Jane, she hadn't feared solitude...It had been her touchstone. Her own company had been enough. Peace and quiet, her anchor.

Now, the stillness taunted her and the emptiness of her house panicked her.

Alone. I am alone.

And in an instant, the rolling current of raw emotions screamed their way to the surface again. Ripping their way through her with fierce intensity. Taking her breath away. She squeezed her eyes shut and balled her fists. Overwhelmed once more by the enormity of all that Casey's proposal meant.

_I am nothing without her. I will lose myself._

Tell her.

_No. She deserves to be happy._

Tell her.

_No. I will lose her forever._

_I. Will. Lose. Myself..._

…

**A/N Guess who's ringing and texting? Worth continuing? If you want me to continue the next chapter let me know**


	2. Chapter 2 Long day

**A/N**

**Thank you so much for all of your lovely comments and for following and favoriting this little story.**

**I am overwhelmed by the wonderful response but I am also really daunted and nervous about continuing this in case I screw it up or paint myself into a corner as far as the plot goes so please be kind! I am risking posting this next chapter without being totally clear as to how things will go and I anticipate this will be a 4 or 5 chapter little story.**

**I don't have a beta and when I went to school we seemed to lurch from flash cards to writing stories with very little time given to grammar along the way so I hope I don't outrage anyone with my poor punctuation!**

**Anyway, enough of my rambling. May I present chapter 2. **

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**Chapter 2. Long day.**

**11.50pm**

Jane slipped into her apartment and bolted the door before leaning against it. She tipped back her head and closed her eyes, allowing herself just a few moments to acknowledge the peace and stillness of her home after the unrelenting drama of her day.

_What a day!_

The silence was broken by the sound of Jo Friday scampering out of Jane's bedroom and across the hard wood floor before enthusiastically greeting her, having been roused by the noise of the bolt being shot. She spun manically in tight circles at Jane's feet. Even though Jane was bone weary and mentally wrung out she couldn't help but chuckle as she crouched down to scoop Jo into her arms to give her a kiss and scratch behind her scruffy ears. Jo licked at the detective's hands and snuffled approvingly at all of the attention.

'Hey girl!', she breathed against Jo's ear. 'I'm glad somebody's happy to see me. Tommy has already taken you out tonight so you need to get to bed, my friend. 'Kay?'

Jane, gently lowered Jo back onto the floor and straightened up, her knees objecting a little as she did so. She blew out a breath, reaching with her hand to rub at the taught muscles at the back of her neck. Then she stood for a moment, hands on hips as her eyes cast round her apartment. Casey had been busy, she noticed. He had cleaned the place up a bit since this morning. Her mail was stacked neatly on the coffee table and the newspaper sections, the remains of breakfast and the coffee cups from earlier had all been folded, stacked or tidied away. Jane could even detect the whiff of bleach and furniture polish.

_If he wasn't being lined up to be a general, he would make a damn good housewife._ She thought drily, trying to make light of one of the many topics that had driven her to the brink today.

Her gaze finally settled on a vase full of white roses, a bottle of champagne, and a pair of cut glass flutes on her kitchen counter. She let out a breathy sigh and wandered over, slumping on the bar stool. She placed an elbow on the table and cradled her chin with her hand. Any other day she might have felt a little flutter of delight bubble up at such a thoughtful gift but today?

Today...

Reflecting on all that had happened in the last 12 hours, Jane felt like she had gone through the whole gamut of emotions. First, Casey had caught her completely off guard with a proposal and before she could even try and process it he was back on a plane out of the country again. They never really had a chance to talk about how they could make a marriage work when their jobs were so important to them both.

She felt exhausted and overwhelmed just thinking about it. Casey's proposal had been like an almighty grenade going off, leaving a trail of destruction in its wake – not least of which being the implications it had for her work, her family, her friendship...Maura. In fact, the drama of the day had all weighing so heavily on her heart that she was surprised that she had managed to claw her way to the end of it in once piece.

Then there was the case she was working on. It had really taken its toll on her and she was starting to worry that they wouldn't crack it in time. To make matters worse, she blamed herself that things had taken a turn for the worse as the day progressed and her overriding emotion was that of guilt. Guilt that while she had been off having a picnic with Casey another child had been abducted by some crazed clown with size 25 feet. Guilt when she had spent the afternoon with his distraught mother and seen first hand the grief and anguish that a parent feels when the minutes tick by and the possible outcomes become all too horrifying to comprehend. She felt guilty that she had let this woman down and worse than that, she had let her son down.

A far as Jane was concerned, and no matter how much Korsak and Frost tried to tell her otherwise, she blamed herself and felt that this should never have happened on her watch. And what was even more frustrating was that none of them could seem to catch a break. Instead, the kidnapper was taunting them with video footage of the boy and she couldn't even tell if he was alive or dead...And the clock kept ticking. Every second that little boy was in captivity was another second a mother wondered if she would ever see her son alive again. In fact, if Korsak hadn't pulled rank and ordered her home she would still be there, reading and re-reading the case files. Playing back the video tape over and over. Looking back through the forensics.

Jane fingered the card that was propped up against the vase and flicked it open.

'Everything will be okay. Have a drink with Maura. Love Casey xx'

_Maura._

Jane's thumb brushed gently across her name on the card. Her heart clenched a little and she felt the prick of tears. She sniffed in a shuddering breath and exhaled before closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. She just couldn't deny the fact that no matter how much of a shocker the day had been it wasn't Casey, his proposal, the case or the other piles of steaming crap she had to deal with that had gotten to her...No: it was Maura's parting words to her and that look on her face before she fled the morgue that had haunted the detective all afternoon.

Jane had been completely blind-sided by Maura's confession and had little time to process or react to what happened between them before she was pulled back to the case and all of it's demands. Out of necessity she had put the whole encounter in the 'deal with it later' compartment of her brain. Now, away from the office, that compartment had burst open, spewing forth all of its contents and Jane felt too fragile to cope with it all.

Just thinking of Maura's reaction clenched her gut. Jane found herself squeezing her eyes shut in an effort to block out yet another reenactment of her meeting with Maura. But again, she failed and she felt a surge of emotion bubble up once more as Maura's words echoed around her head and the expression on Maura's face was brought into sharp focus once more.

_How will I survive without my best friend?_

How, indeed? Jane thought to herself.

Never had Jane seen such raw vulnerability reflected in those hazel eyes that were searching hers for an answer to that plaintive question. In those moments when Maura's eyes locked on hers with such searching intensity, such desperation, Jane felt that tightly bound parcel of suppressed emotions that she had tucked way back in the recesses of her mind, without permission begin to unfurl and bloom in her chest. She tried to put it down to exhaustion but she knew that it would be a lie. She was well practiced at coming up with rational explanations as to why her best friend could always exact such a powerful emotional response in her...A compulsion to protect her, to care for her. But Maura was like family, wasn't she?...Jane would do anything for her family, right?

God, suddenly it felt physically painful to Jane. She couldn't bear that she was the one responsible for causing such a raw reaction from her best friend and now the ME wasn't responding to her texts or picking up her calls. The more her calls went unanswered the more uneasy and upset Jane became. She hated it when Maura was upset. Maura had endured enough heartache and pain in her life already and Jane saw it as her job to shield her from any more hurt. Now, she was the cause of her heartache and she couldn't bear it. This wasn't how things were supposed to go today and when Maura was hurt or upset they worked things out together. They talked through things together. They shared their pain and their fears – Jane wasn't supposed to be the cause of them. They were always there for each other...

_There for each other? _

Jane felt sick. Suddenly, the urge to get back into her car and drive to Beacon Hill was overwhelming. She desperately wanted to see Maura. Her protective instincts going into overdrive. The need to reassure her friend was overpowering. But what could she say? Nothing seemed clear anymore.

_What am I doing with my life?!_

Damn Casey! Damn his proposal! Damn this shiny crystalline form of carbon on her finger. Jane looked down at the ring and felt a surge of white hot rage – angry at herself and the whole situation. Suddenly, as if it were scorching her, she wrenched it off her finger and slapped it down on the table. She gripped her head in her hands and squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to will away all of the rampant thoughts that were plaguing her weary mind before reaching for her phone on her utility belt. She frowned at it in her hand, her finger hovered over Maura's name yet again but she knew it was too late to call. Jane threw her phone down on the kitchen counter in disgust and growled in frustration before pushing herself up from the stool and reaching into the fridge for a beer. She found a six pack hiding amongst shelves filled with recently purchased groceries. A far cry from the usually sparse content's of her refrigerator.

Rather than make her smile at Casey's helpful gesture it just made her even more irritated.

_What the hell, Casey? Do you feel like you have to mother me too? I have managed to drag myself to the ripe old age of 40 without outside interference._

She groaned. Why was she being such a bitch? She popped the top on her beer and dragged her weary, complaining body over to the couch and plopped down next to Jo, before lifting her legs onto the coffee table. Jo wasted no time in snuggling into a tight ball of fur beside her, resting fuzzy muzzle on Jane's thigh.

'What a mess!' she groaned, clenching her jaw as she thumped her fist on the arm of the couch which made Jo's head pop up in surprise. The tugged her hand through her tangled curls and let out yet another irritated growl.

She rubbed at her eyes impatiently and then slumped back in the couch. Overtired and overwhelmed.

Eventually she succumbed to sleep.

**A/N Please let me know what you think. Constructive critisism, praise (!) appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you! Thank you! For all of your lovely reviews, 'favourites' and 'follows' for my little story. I really love to hear what you think so please keep speaking to me (Needy, much? Lol!) Seriously, this is so much more fun than my day job (Pharmacy!)**

**I apologise that I seem to have left poor Maura under her duvet for ages but we will get back to her soon but in the meantime we are sticking with Jane. Plus, everyone's favourite criminalist, Suzie Chang, makes an appearance in this chapter to provide some much needed comic relief.**

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**Chapter 3. The morning after the night before.**

**7.30am**

Korsak and Frost looked up simultaneously as Jane slunk into the bullpen looking tired and cranky. She barely grunted a greeting, before plopping down into her chair and rubbing her face impatiently. Korsak and Frost shot each other a look that was immediately received and understood by both men...'_Do not poke the bear_'.

Jane had overslept and woken up on her couch with a crick in her neck and a dog licking her face. Ordinarily she would have had time to shower, walk Jo, grab a coffee in a 'to go' cup and call at Maura's on the way – something she desperately needed to do after the events of yesterday. As it was she only had time to change her clothes, brush her teeth and leave Jo with a neighbour.

Silence hung in the air of the bullpen for a few beats before Jane's gravely voice, a little hoarse from lack of use, punctured it 'Where are we with the case?' she said, clearing her throat. She stared intently at the pen that she was twirling repeatedly in both hands.

Korsak looked exhausted. He rubbed his eyes and rose from his seat to perch on the end of his desk, facing Jane, before he replied 'We looked over the video feed again and spotted a window. Frost was able to enhance the image and pick out a fire alarm box on a telephone pole on the residential street but couldn't identify all of the numbers on the box. There are thousands of those things in the Boston area so that doesn't help us. We also spotted a weather vane in the shot and were able to establish that the house must be on the east side of the residential street, running north to south. Again, that doesn't really round things down much. We are still hoping we can find the manufacturer of the clown masks from the sample Maura tested in the lab but the results still aren't back. '

'So we've still got nothing!' Jane growled petulantly, throwing her pen down on her desk and slamming her hands on the table.

Frost dipped his head quickly, finding something interesting to fidget with in his pencil holder, feeling a storm brewing.

'Jane!' Korsak barked, eyes flashing her a warning. He knew her well enough to know that the case could not be the only thing that had her off her game and coiled like a spring but he was going to nip her temper in the bud before they all said something they regretted. They all needed to work together if they had any chance of finding the boy.

She slumped further into her chair, clenching and unclenching her jaw before letting out a breath and meeting Korsak's steady glare, her eyes dropping again when she saw the look on his face. 'I'm sorry, Korsak, I'm being a jerk. I know you and Frost have pulled an all-nighter and...It's just..It's just...' She shook her head, unable to find the words she needed.

'I know, Jane.' Korsak said, his voice gentle this time, his tone letting Jane know that he understood her frustrations with the case.

He stood up and threw a file down on his desk before stabbing his finger towards the door of the bullpen.

Jane looked up, eyebrows raised 'What?'

Korsak's lip quirked into a grin as he spoke this time 'Now do us all a favour, Jane. Get your skinny ass down to the coffee shop for some much needed coffee for all of us and make sure yours has a double shot of expresso _and_ while you are down there go and see if Dr Isles has that match on the mask.'

Everything in Jane wanted to be grumpy just a little bit longer but she couldn't help but chuckle. She shook her head and pushed off from her desk. 'Alright, old man.' she drawled...'But until we come up with some solid leads you can wave goodbye to any chance of me bringing you guys donuts.' She waggled her finger at them as she walked backwards towards the door, expertly dodging the balled up paper missile that Frost aimed at her head.

Xxxxx

Susie had anticipated a visit from one particular representative of Boston's Finest this morning. Nevertheless, despite being accustomed to the unmistakable whoosh of the double doors as they were flung back on their hinges, followed by the characteristic booted footsteps that heralded the arrival of one Detective Rizzoli, Senior Criminalist Chang still jumped, practically launching the contents of the specimen tube she was holding into the air.

Over the years, Susie had become used to the Jane's frequent visits to the morgue and had a deep admiration and respect for the wild haired detective. That said, Susie still had a hard time figuring out when Jane was teasing her and when she was being serious and frankly, the rest of the time Jane just scared the crap out of her.

What Susie did not have a hard time figuring out was the undeniable sexual chemistry that charged the air between Jane and her boss whenever they were together. In fact, one of the most interesting aspects of her job was not running the gels or cross referencing DNA against the crime database (though she was embarrassed to admit that she did indeed get a bit of a thrill every time they got a match) but watching with fascination as The Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachussetts interacted with a certain highly decorated homicide detective. Yet, despite Susie recognising the unmistakable signs of mutual attraction between the pair, she was convinced that neither realised how the other felt. Inexplicably, this rare and deep connection that the two shared never seemed to cross the line from friendship into something more. It was entertaining to watch, though!

Susie remained with her back to Jane. She was rooted to the spot at the sampling apparatus, already prepared for how the next few minutes would play out. Sure enough, Jane's determined stride towards Maura's office came to an abrupt halt (no doubt because Jane had spotted that the office was shrouded in darkness).

_1, 2, 3..._Susie mentally counted.

She heard Jane spin on her heels.

'Susie?'

_And there it is..._

Susie turned quickly on the spot and stood to attention, holding her test tube and pipette aloft in her hands in some sort of lab tech version of surrender.

'Detective?' she croaked out, mentally cursed herself for her faltering voice and clearing her throat. All these years of working together and she still got flustered by the force of nature that was Jane Rizzoli.

Jane stood in all of her glory, fixing her chocolate brown eyes intently on Susie 'Where's Maura?', she whined, with a note of exasperation, gesturing wildly towards the door of the ME's office with her arms before placing her hands on her hips in trade mark Rizzoli fashion as she waited for an answer.

Susie felt the full force of the detective's penetrating gaze. For a fleeting moment she could imagine how intimidating it must be to sit across from her in an interrogation room; worrying for a split second that Jane might actually believe that she had something to do with her boss's disappearance.

'She's not here, detective!' She blurted in reflex and immediately cringed.

Jane's eyebrow quirked in response. Jane blew out a breath and tipped her head back, pinching the bridge of her nose for a beat or two. She was perilously close to losing her last shred of patience already today and it wasn't even 8am. But she also knew that Susie wasn't to blame for her rapidly deteriorating mood. She liked the girl, despite her penchant for nudist beaches and being even more weird and quirky than her best friend.

Rather than anger, Jane opted for sarcasm...'I think that my powerful 'Spidey senses' had already led me to that very conclusion, Susie. Although, if Maura has been let loose on Pricedrop TV again this week then I could be mistaken and at this very moment she is sitting in there flicking through her case notes with the help of a pair of military grade night vision goggles.'

'Dr. Isles shops on Pricedrop TV?' She quizzed, eyebrows raised in surprise.

'Susie!' Jane said through gritted teeth, before spelling it out slowly 'Do. You .Know .Where .Dr. Isles Is?'

'She sent an email about an hour ago to say that Dr. Pike would be coming in to cover for her today.'

'Really?!' Jane shook her head before throwing her arms in the air in exasperation and letting them fall, 'Unbelievable! Just when I thought this day could not get any worse!' She blew out a breath. 'Look. Just let me know when you get a manufacturer match for that clown mask,' she muttered as she turned on her heel and stalked out of the morgue. Susie scrunched her eyes in anticipation of the shuddering of the doors as Jane pushed her way into the corridor and marched towards the elevator.

'I guess Dr. Isles didn't clear her day off with Detective Rizzoli,' Susie murmured to herself, shaking her head. _I would not want to be in your shoes when she finally tracks you down, Dr Isles, _she thought.

Jane stabbed repeatedly at the elevator button, before dragging her hand through her unruly mane of hair. She let out a frustrated growl. She was starting to get more than a little worried now. It was totally out of character for Maura to delegate such a sensitive and important case to someone like Pike...Unless she absolutely had to...Unless she really couldn't come in...Or was it that she really couldn't face Jane? Yet again, Jane felt like she was the reason why this case was going nowhere fast. She knew she would not be able to focus on anything today until she checked on Maura; even if it meant driving over to Beacon Hill herself and that was the last thing she needed with this child abduction case going on.

_What the hell, Maura?_

By the time she stomped into the coffee shop she could barely contain her frustration, as another call to Maura's cell had gone unanswered.

'Janie!' Angela called out enthusiastically across the coffee shop as her daughter approached. Her face dropped as soon as she saw the murderous look on Jane's face and she stared at her questioningly as Jane grabbed her by the elbow and steered her towards a table in the corner of the coffee shop.

'Janie? What's going on?!' She huffed, not particularly pleased to be dragged away from her customers with Stanley glowering after her.

'Ma. Have you seen Maura?' Jane groaned, letting go of her mother's arm and slumping into the chair.

'I saw her yesterday morning at breakfast. She was telling me Constance is back in town this week. She might even make it to Rizzoli Sunday dinner.'

'So you haven't seen her since then?' Jane pressed.

'No honey. I was at Sean's last night and came straight to work from there.' Seeing from Jane's expression that this was not what she wanted to hear, she searched her daughter's face 'Is something wrong, Jane?'

Jane blew out a breath and threw her arms in the air, 'I have no idea, Ma! I haven't seen Maura since yesterday in the morgue. She hasn't answered my calls. She hasn't replied to my texts. She hasn't come into work this morning,' said Jane, stabbing at the table with her finger as she listed off Maura's indiscretions. She let out a sigh. 'I'm worried about her!' Jane leant forward and cradled her head in her hands, grabbing frustratedly at her hair.

'What did you do Janie? Have you girls fallen out again? You know, you need to make this right and not let it fester like it did last time, honey. You girls need each other.'

'Ma. I can't seem to do anything right. This case is a mess and so much is going on and I'm so confused and I just, I just...I don't know Ma. Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes?'

'What's so complicated?' Angela quizzed.

'This', Jane said, unzipping the inside pocket of her suit jacket and reached inside, slipping the diamond solitaire ring onto her finger as it glittered in the sunlight that was streaking through the cafe window.

'Janie!' Angela shrieked, grabbing hold of Jane's hand.

'Ma!' Jane exclaimed, trying to wrestle her hand from the older woman's grip.

'Casey proposed!' She shrilled, pulling Jane's hand closer to get a better look, gazing slack-jawed at the glittering ring. 'My baby's getting married!' She bit back a sniffle and her eyes started to glisten.

'Will you keep your voice down, Ma!' Jane said through clenched teeth, 'I don't want the whole of BPD knowing my business.'

'Sorry.' She drew out in an exaggerated stage whisper. Jane huffed.

'Can't a mother be excited when her only daughter gets engaged?' She did a little shuffle in her seat and squealed in delight before pinching Jane's cheeks.

'Will you stop' Jane exclaimed, batting her hands away dramatically.

'Have you set a date? Ooooohhh! I can't wait to tell Carla Tallucci.'

'Look. We haven't set a date because I haven't exactly said yes yet.' Jane sighed, slumping further into the chair, her thumb rubbing at the scar tissue on the back of her hand.

'Whadaya mean, you haven't said yes? He proposed didn't he? He gave you a ring? It's a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer, isn't it?' Angela was totally confused now. She fixed Jane with an intent and searching glare. Jane's eye's dropped to the table.

_It should be a simple yes or no answer, shouldn't it? _

'That's what I mean Ma. It's complicated, alright?' She conceded. 'It's not as simple as you think.'

'But you love him, don't you? How complicated can it be?' She reached out and lifted her daughter's head, cupping her cheek and brushed her thumb across it tenderly. She waited until Jane lifted her eyes and held her gaze, worried by the troubled brown eyes that were staring back at her.

'Jane.' She said in a tone that told her daughter that she was not to going to get off the hook that easily. Jane found it hard to maintain eye contact with her mother. There was definately more detectives in the family than her and Frankie and sometimes Jane swore that her mother could see right down into her very soul. She sucked in a breath and reached up to her face to cover her mother's hand.

'Ma. Casey's been offered a promotion. He's got the chance to be a General. It's what he's always wanted and I can't ask him to give up his dream. He knows how important my job and my family is to me too. Could I leave Boston? Be a General's wife in the middle of nowhere? He's asked me to think about it but now he's been recalled and he's back on a plane heading to Aghanistan. I just don't know what to think. What do I do, ma?' Her heart felt so heavy as she watched the flicker of realisation wash over her mother's face before she tried to school her features.

'Oh,' Angela sighed, biting her lower lip. She dropped her hands to her lap and lowered her eyes, 'I see.'

An uncomfortable silence followed. Jane's heart had lurched when she saw the flicker of pain in her mother's eyes but before she could dwell on it her mind returned to Maura and she felt her anxiety ratchet up once more, remembered why she was here in the first place.

She sighed and placed a reassuring hand on her mother's arm and gave it a squeeze. She dipped her head until she could capture her mother's gaze and said with urgency, 'Look Ma. Can we just not do this here? I promise I will talk to you about this but right now I need to go check on Maura."

Angela's head snapped up as everything started to make sense.

'Does Maura know about Casey's proposal?' she questioned, searching her daughter's face.

'Yes. She saw the ring when I got back from seeing Casey yesterday afternoon,' Jane sighed as Angela's eyebrows knitted together at the news. Interesting, Angela thought.

'..And?' Angela drew out, pressing Jane to get to the heart of what was bothering her.

'You know Maura, Ma. Only she could talk about the ring in terms of its chemical constituents.' She shrugged, dropping her eyes to the table once more. Angela sensed that there was much more to the conversation than she was letting on and it didn't take a detective to deduce that Maura hadn't taken the news well. Angela was having trouble processing Jane's news herself so she could only imagine the impact it was having on the woman she thought of as a second daughter. No wonder she hadn't responded to Jane's phone calls. No wonder she hadn't come into work. Angela knew that Maura struggled when it came to dealing with her emotions and when those emotions revolved around the person that meant most to her in the whole world...

_Oh, Maura. _Angela thought.

'How did you leave things with Maura yesterday, Jane?' Angela said tentatively. Jane let out a shuddering breath and swallowed thickly, 'Ma..She...' Jane lifted her head and Angela saw the look of anguish there as her eye's glistened with unshed tears. Jane shook her head and swiped at her eyes with her palms, blowing out through her mouth before she pushed back from the table with a screech of chair legs and in one swift motion was up and out of her chair.

Angela rose with her and before Jane could resist she pulled her into a crushing hug, 'I love you so much, Jane.' She pulled back and held her daughter by the forearms, looking at her daughter with such love and conviction that Jane found it hard to keep eye contact.

'Jane, you'd have to love someone a heck of a lot if you are willing to even think about giving up so much to be with them...Your whole life is here in Boston. Just promise me you will make the decision that's best for you. I know how hard that will be for you, honey, because you are always worried about everyone else…Always looking out for everyone else's best interests and I love you for it. But this is your decision, baby, not mine, your brothers, BPDs or Maura's...Yours. Just follow your heart, Jane. I will love you and be here for you no matter what you decide to do.'

Her mother's words overwhelmed Jane and she struggled desperately to maintain her composure, working her jaw and trying to ignore the prickle of tears in her eyes. Finally, she squared her shoulder's 'I gotta go, Ma,' she said quietly, her voice thick with emotion. She gently took her mother's hands in hers and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead before striding out of the coffee shop and out through the front doors of the department.

Angela hugged her arms around herself and swallowed down the lump in her throat as she watched her daughter leave. This should be one of the happiest days of her daughter's life, she thought. Casey had proposed to her. He loved her. She loved him. It was simple wasn't it? Yet, Angela knew her daughter…Not all of this upset and emotion seemed to be about Casey, about the proposal…Not really.

Angela wasn't blind. She had watched Jane and Maura closely over the years and all of the clues and signs were beginning to piece together. Jane was the bravest, most courageous person she knew and yet when it came to confronting her personal life she seemed intent on shying away from the truth. Was Casey the safe choice? Was she settling for him? As much as Angela wanted to get involved in all of this she knew she had to let Jane figure it out for herself. Just as long as Jane knew she was there for her, no matter what…Even if it meant Jane leaving Boston. But, deep down Angela hoped it wouldn't come to that. She wanted more than anything for Jane to finally have the courage to grasp hold of something...Someone...that Angela herself was only beginning to realise had been right there in front of her all along. When it came to the most important decision of her life would Jane finally have the courage to reach out and grasp what she truly wanted and deserved?

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**I love to get your reviews. Please tell me what you think…As always, constructive comments and suggestions greatly appreciated. **

**I have a lot to figure out for the next chapter or so as Maura will finally emerge from beneath her duvet and Jane and Maura will finally get the face to face encounter you have all been waiting for. Consequently, it may take me a while to update as I need to let it bounce around my head for a bit so I can be clear about exactly how it will play out.**


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